Starting Our Family

The reality of infertility, IVF and donor eggs

Can You Handle Infertility???


Last night I had a conference call with a woman suffering from secondary infertility.   She ironically was referred to me by a doula I’m interviewing.  I tried to give her advice based on my own infertility as well as what she can expect based on my knowledge of others’ experiences.  I found myself continually stressing the toll infertility takes on your body, soul and your relationships.  I had pre-warned her that I’m brutally honest and don’t sugar coat anything.  But when I hung up the phone I wondered “was I too honest?”  “did I scare her away from wanting to try?”  Those questions led to this blog topic-  can you handle infertility?

Here are my own Top 5 personal tidbits of advice when it comes to dealing with infertility:

1) Don’t have any expectations- The biggest mistake newbies often make is that “this will work” which is not always true.  In fact majority of infertiles do NOT get pregnant on the 1st try.  Sure there are plenty that do but honestly I have found that to be more of the exception rather than the norm.  The infertility mantra is “be cautiously optimistic”.  If it happens for you right away- great- but if it doesn’t don’t beat yourself up.

2) Expect the unexpected- I know that’s a contradiction to my previous statement but one day you will understand (if you don’t already).  It seems in the zoo of infertility there is constantly a monkey following you around throwing shit at you- get used to it!  If your cycle is going well that’s when a hurricane will happen (yes I survived cycling during Super Storm Sandy).  Or you pick your dream egg donor only to find out she tested positive for a STD (happened to someone I know).  Just be ready and willing to deal with all sorts of flying poop.

3) Know your limits- Everyone “thinks” they know what they are getting themselves into but they really have NO CLUE.  Do your research BEFORE you start any infertility treatments.  Join infertility forums.  If you don’t want to actively participate at least lurk and see what other have gone thru.  Learn about the different drugs you might have to take and what their side effects are.  Get a basic idea of what you really might have to face.  Issues will be easier to deal with if you are somewhat prepared.  If you need to do IVF you will have to take injectables.  If you are afraid of shots and there is no way you can handle getting multiple shots in your belly every day for several weeks than IVF is not going to be an option for you.

4) Talk it out with your partner– Once you’ve completed your research share it with your partner.  Put all the cards on the table and together decide ahead of time what you are willing to do and not do.  Granted you have to take the shots but chances are your partner will be the one giving them to you and having to deal with the side effects (mood swings, etc).  If he/she can’t stick a needle in your belly and you can’t do it yourself than you need to find someone else who will be willing to do.  Keep in mind that the shots have to be taken roughly around the same time every day.  You both need to be on the same page with what you are willing to try and how far/how long you are willing to take the process.  At what point will you call it quits if it doesn’t work?  The end point can be based on a specific result, timeframe, number of procedures or a dollar amount.  It’s best to get it all ironed out ahead of time and agree to it.   I promise you- infertility will without a doubt test the strength of your relationship.  Walk the path united as one.

5) Be 1000% committed– If you can’t go all in then get out and don’t even start the process.  If your feelings about being a mom are wishy-washy then turn around and go no further.  You have to really, really want this in order to survive it or infertility will chew you up and spit you out.  Infertility is not for the faint of heart or the weak.  You need to be strong, determined and committed.  You need to be able to pick yourself up, wipe off the dirt and try again (and in some cases again, and again and again).  You need to be able to navigate your way thru your darkest moments.  You need to have the will power to not only survive infertility but the mindset to want to conquer it.

Infertility sucks- there is no 2 ways about it.  The issue sucks, the process sucks, it all sucks.  Hopefully one day you will be holding your miracle baby and everything you went thru will have been worth it.  But that is the best case scenario and not the result for everyone.  Think long and hard before you start something that will make you feel like you are carrying the weight of the world- can you handle it?



Lions and Tigers and…Stuff Coming Out Your Woo Haa

pad box

Warning- this post is not for the faint of heart

I hate underwear.  I’ve never been a drippy kinda girl so I’ve always been able to get away with going commando (aka sans undies).  When I must wear underwear it HAS TO BE a thong.  I know most of you can’t stand the fact of something being up your butt but the way I see it the undies are going to creep up there eventually so you might as well minimize the allotted amount of fabric.  And truthfully- if you have a good thong you’re not going to even notice it AND you avoid those nasty panty lines where the whole world can see your butt is hungry and eating up your undies.

All was well with me and my thongs.  That was until I started doing IVF.  Oh the vag horrors that come with suppositories.  You are pushing a Fun Dip like tablet up your woo haa three times a day.  The tablets are supposed to “melt” and your body is “supposed to” absorb the medicine.  Well guess what?  Your body really only absorbs some of the stuff and the rest has nowhere else to go but…yup, you guessed it- out the same way it came in.  And it’s not like just a little that sneaks out.  This shit comes in goops and gobs worse than a yeast infection.  No joke it looks like straight up cottage cheese.  And that’s the white tablets.  There is another kind that is blue and looks like a Smurf snotted in your underwear.  What’s a leaky girl to do?  Obviously panty liners are a must for any vag packin infertile.  Surely I can’t be expected to suffer infertility AND granny panties- so way Jose!  Luckily the woman who has been taking care of me my entire life aka My Mom once again came to my rescue.  She came over one day bearing gifts.  Not diamonds, not flowers, not chocolates.  She brought over something more valuable.  Something that is seriously the best invention since sliced bread.  She brought over panty liners for thongs!  I love, love, love my panty liners!  I can’t believe I just typed that.  What has become of my life?  But seriously- how adorable are these…


They even have little wings- my vag angels.  They are thin and comfortable and quiet.  Yes, I said quiet.  I’ve tried panty liners in the past that sound like someone is playing with a garbage bag.  I don’t like letting the world know I’m wearing a diaper.

The need was short-lived.  That IVF cycle didn’t work.  I was so skeeved by what was falling out of my body that when the next cycle rolled around I literally begged to do the butt shots instead of the suppositories.  My new slogan became “Butt Shot Over Vag Snot” and I will chant that any day.

Lucky for me 2 cycles later and I got pregnant and stayed that way- yay!  Now I need the panty liners for another reason.  I can’t cough or sneeze without peeing a little.  And when I’m not coughing or sneezing I’m leaking other fun stuff.  I hear it only increases so I have lots of fun to look forward to in the thong department.

If you are a fellow thonger and are using vaginal suppositories, pregnant or just having your period I highly recommend these panty liners.  You can get  a coupon on their website

Drip on!


The Choice Will Be Yours…


OK here is the deal- I’m branching out!

So that it will be fair for all followers I’m going to keep this blog page AND use 2 other blog pages- win/win right?!  If you just want to stick with this one then do nothing.  Nothing here will change and you will continue to receive emails (if you are a subscriber) each time I post.  If you are just a stalker then you will have to continue to stalk me as you normally would.

The following will be my blog pages:    This will remain my infertility blog page.  I will continue to write about infertility, IVF, donor eggs and all that other fun stuff we struggle with.  I may at times reference a blog post from my pregnancy blog site (see below)  This is my new (but secretly created a while ago) blog page.  Here I will write about my pregnancy as well as pregnancy in general.  I will post OB updates and ultrasound pics.  Eventually I will also review baby products and bitch about play dates and mommy groups- God I’m dreading that shit!  I will also reference my use of donor eggs and may from time to time reference my infertility blog page.  If you would like to follow that blog page then please go there and subscribe.  Yes, I’m a blog geek.  I’ve created a blog page for my child that isn’t even here yet.  This page will be written in his words (at least what I imagine he would say).  This blog will mainly be for my family to keep up with the thousands of pictures I will be taking of him.  I will also post pics from holidays, birthdays, etc.  Because I’m going to blog “out” myself to my family this site will NOT AT ALL reference my other 2 blog sites.  It will NOT mention donor eggs or any of the other stuff I blog about.  If you decide to subscribe to this blog please, please, please keep my privacy intact.  If you out me in a comment or in general I will hunt you down and severely hurt you.  Here is a sample of the blog from the “About” page-

Hi!  My name is Jackson Xavier but you can call me Jax.  My parents did a lot of praying and begging for me.  I heard there were a bunch of shots and some other stuff they call IVF but that’s too complicated for me.  All I know is I like chillin out in the womb while they get my world ready.  They cannot wait to meet me but they will have to wait a while because I’m not scheduled to make my debut until July 19th.

The one that I’m going to call Mommy is obsessed with me already.  She even created a blog page for me.  Can you imagine me being a literary genius before I’m even born.  Until I’m old enough to use a computer I will control my Mommy (from inside her womb).  She can be my secretary and write everything I want to tell you.  Mom is a little paranoid about stalkers so if there is a post with my picture or something identifiable she will probably password protect it.  If you know her then just ask for the password.  Oh yeah, I even have my own email so if you want to reach me or my staff just send an email to

So there you go- 3 choices- vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.  Don’t ask for cookies and cream 🙂


Can We Still Play Together?


It recently dawned on me- do my followers still want to play with me?  Most of my blog followers follow me because they are infertile.  But now that I’m pregnant does that change the game?  I would never want to be insensitive to anyone’s feelings.  Actually, that’s not entirely true because in general I don’t give a shit but I’m particularly sensitive to the infertile world.  I’m sure I will be blogging a lot about pregnancy and birth plans, etc.  I also want to do product reviews.  Should I start a new blog page or keep it all here?  I know a lot of you don’t like to give your opinions in the “comment” section so feel free to email me your opinion


The BEST Baby Book Ever!


Why is this the best baby book ever?  Because it is totally about YOUR baby and how that baby came to me.  It’s not your generic, “traditional family” baby book- it’s totally personalized and customizable.   If you are having a baby you HAVE TO buy this book.  And even if you aren’t going to be a mommy (or daddy) just yet make sure to save this link for the future

A fellow donor egg mommy-to-be told me about this book and I knew I had to have it.    The best part is, because its customizable, its perfect for anyone with a “non-traditional” birth story (donor egg, donor embryo, sperm donor, adoption, surrogate, same-sex parents, etc).  After you pick what you want the cover to look like and submit payment you are then sent an email with a bunch of questions that pertain to you, your family and your baby’s story.  Its great because Mike and I aren’t married so obviously don’t have the same last name- that’s reflected in the book.  Each parent (or one in some cases) has their own page.  My page says “You Belong to Me” and Mike’s page says “…And Me”.  It says my full name and then “but you call me Mommy” and then has questions about me that I fill in the blanks.  So if Jackson was going to call me “Chuck” the book could say that instead of Mommy.  The creators were wonderful to work with.  Of course me being like Sally ordering a meal (I’ll have the salad, hold the carrots, add radishes, dressing on the side but not too much and chilled at 50 degrees) I’m sure I wasn’t the easiest customer.  When I opened the book and started reading the pages I burst into tears.  Not only is this the first personalized thing we have for Jackson but the pages were sooooo US that I was overwhelmed with emotion.  I never thought I would be able to have a real baby book like everyone else.  All the books I’ve seen don’t really pertain to our story and I would have to leave half the pages blank.  This book finally made me feel what it is like to be a regular person having a family.  It made me part of the crew.

Based on our answers to the questions, here are the different pages that were chosen for OUR book.  Again, this is totally customizable so it will be whatever you need it to be.   The background of our book is white, not pink, it’s just a bad picture.

Mommy and Daddy- The story of us goes like this…

How I Came to Be…The story before there was me (we will write about how hard we tried to have a baby and how we came to IVF and donor eggs)

A Special Gift- All about our egg donor

Great Expectations (basic questions about 1st finding out you’re having a baby)

Love at First Sight (page for 1st ultrasound picture)

We Love You Too! (siblings page)

Special Family & Friends (Mommy’s Side, Daddy’s Side)

Love Letters- our first notes to you

Showering You with Love (about the shower and the guests)

All About Our Pets- Special stories about our special animals (OK- this is HUGE for people with fur babies- how many other baby books include them?)

Wishes & Dreams- words from those who love you

Introducing…YOU! The story of your birth (all about the delivery and the baby)

A Name All Your Own (the baby’s name (including nicknames) and what they mean and other names that were considered)

The World Was a Busy Place When You Were Born (what was going on in the world on the day your baby was born- prices of different things, who was President, newspaper headlines, fashion trends, etc)

Welcome Home

Your First Year of Sleep

The rest of the book follows much of the generic format for a baby book (although it still maintains a “better than generic” feel to it).  The book takes you all the way to Kindergarten and 5 years old.

I am so, so, so thankful to Sarah and Amanda from LoveLeafBooks for creating these baby books.  Please check out their Etsy page and go buy a book!  I promise you will love it just as much as me.


Peek A Boo


I’m still alive!  Sorry I haven’t been blogging lately but thanks for all the concerned emails.  I’ve been super busy with work, which is where I usually do most of my blogging.  I can’t believe these people actually want me to work sometimes.  I find it extremely rude for them to interfere with my blogging adventures.  We are also in the middle of some home improvements.  The biggest one is Mike’s man cave.  Not that a finished basement should be a priority for us right now with a baby on the way but I gave the thumbs up anyway.  I knew if we didn’t do it now we would never do it.  Once the Punkin comes we will always have an excuse or a more important thing to spend money on.  Poor Mike actually believes it will be HIS space but little does he know soon enough it will be covered with toys and legos and drool.  I’m sure deep down he knows this but I’ll let him day-dream for a while.  Eventually Jax will be down there with his friends playing spin the bottle lol.

I promise to one day finish all my angry rant draft blogs.  I’ve added to them but nothing publish ready yet.

Hope everyone is doing great.  Do we have any cyclers or PUPO Princesses out there?

On a parting note- my boobs are GINORMOUS!  I’m already busting out of a DD- ugh!  Soon I will need a wheel barrow to cart my tits around.


What’s In A Name?


Last night Mike and I finally shook hands and agreed on our son’s name- Jackson Xavier.

I have loved the name Jackson since my friend named his son that 14 years ago.  Jack is a family name for Mike but I have a nephew named Jack so we couldn’t use that.  Mike liked Jackson just as much so that was agreed upon before we even knew he was a boy.

The middle name wasn’t as easy to decide.  I don’t have a middle name so it would be fine with me if my son didn’t have one either.  There was no way the middle name would be Michael, especially with the first name of Jackson.  Mike wanted Alexander and I wanted Xavier.  He didn’t have any reasoning behind Alexander other than he just liked it.  Of course, me being me, I had a few reasons why I liked Xavier.

1) we will call the baby either Jackson or Jax.  I like that Xavier ties in the X in Jax

2) I’m a huge geek when it comes to my childhood.  I loved (and still do) Marvel & DC Comics and Super Heros.  Charles Xavier was the leader of the X-Men.  Wait, maybe I should name him Wolverine?

3) Again with the childhood memories- Cabbage Patch Kids.  Anyone who grew up in the 80’s remembers the signature on the butts of all Cabbage Patch Kids- Xavier Roberts.  I was obsessed with Cabbage Patch Kids and Koosas (the cabbage patch pets).  Coincidentally, Xavier Roberts was born on Oct 31st- my transfer day.  That made it a no brainer for me!

Mike was back and forth.  Alexander was ok but I wasn’t thrilled with it.  Plus his initials would be JAM and I would always think of peanut butter.  Last night Mike wrote out both names on a piece of paper and decided he really did like Xavier better.  Plus he thought it was cool to have X in a name.  He could sign things Jackson X or graffiti a big X on the wall with a little J on the left and a little M on the right lol.  Yes, these are the things that run through my mind.


Heaven Welcomes Two More Angels


I want to take a minute to acknowledge one of my forum friends and ask for prayers for her.  She lost her twin boys this Sunday at 21 weeks, 6 days.  I can’t even imagine the pain she is feeling.   No parent should have to say good-bye to their child.  This is the cruelest of all heart breaks.  I pray she finds peace and the strength to move forward.



We Are Out Of The Closet- YAY!!!


We are finally able to openly excited about this pregnancy and I can start wearing my maternity clothes to work.  We came out on Facebook yesterday and today I came out at work.  We don’t tell anyone about the donor egg part but have been very open about the rest of our infertility struggles and needing to use IVF.  I don’t want to give anyone the impression that getting pregnant at 40 is always easy.

My very talented Baby Daddy (he hates when I say that) created this and we both made it our FB cover photo.


Everyone has been incredibly excited and supportive- I feel the love 🙂            Of course they all want to know what his name is going to be and when we are getting married.  We are holding out on the name for now.  We’ve decided definitely on the first name but are tossing between 2 middle names.  As for marriage- yeah not rushing down the aisle just yet.  My body has a ticker on when I can stop having babies but there is no deadline on marriage.


Drumroll please…

girl-or-boy gender reveal baby pregnant 20 week ultrasound

We had an ultrasound this morning and WE SAW A PENIS- YAY!!!!!!!!!!  We didn’t want to totally celebrate because the Harmony test hadn’t come back yet but I just got the confirmation call so its official.  I am sooooo happy I don’t know what to do with myself.  Mike was flipping out.  He must have asked 1,000 times “are you sure?”  “how can you tell?”  The ultrasound tech pointed it out from several angles and sure enough- its one big wiener (especially since I’m only 14 weeks, 5 days lol).  The Harmony test also confirmed that he has a 1 in 10,000 chance of having downs, trisomy 13 or 18- I’ll take those odds.

And sure as shit this is without a doubt MY child as he was already giving the finger to the world this morning…


Bring on the monkeys and lets start working on the nursery!