Starting Our Family

The reality of infertility, IVF and donor eggs

Two Peas In A Pod

on August 13, 2013

SANP-1110

We survived last night.  I can’t imagine in a million years trying to survive a tragedy without M to hold me together.  And I’m pretty sure he feels the same about me.  He is more worried about me and I’m more worried about him.  It makes for a very nice tango.  I was actually surprised at how well we coped last night seeing each other since we got the news.  I had a few tears flow here and there but I wasn’t hysterical like I thought I would be.  I guess one thing infertility has taught me is that you have to roll with the punches.  M told me he was going to cancel his friend coming but I won’t let him.  I can’t let this control my life.  I refuse to give infertility that sort of power over me.   I’m sure I will get weepy here and there over the next few days but I can excuse myself, regroup and carry on. 

I woke up this morning and this was the first thing I found on my phone…

rainbow

I swear there are little gremlins that go into my phone and put things in there so I can keep everything in check.  I will have a rainbow soon- I’m sure of that. 

We have our WTF appointment on Aug. 22nd and I’m anxious to find out how quickly we will be able to schedule a transfer.  I think I will be OK mentally and emotionally for now- at least for the most part.  I know I do have to find some coping methods because I will have some emotional triggers between now and my next cycle.  Today, thank “Cool Jesus” it was at the end of lunch, I had to excuse myself.  Someone was talking about her daughter and how beautiful and blessed she is being pregnant.  And yes, for those who remember, it’s the same woman who infertility outed me at work.  She’s the one with the daughter I blogged about (The Pregnancy That Broke The Camel’s Back).  I need to stay centered and focused and be able to block some stuff out.  I am also fully aware that even though I say I’m ok now that’s because nothing is physically happening to me.   In my mind I can choose to ignore or mentally delete what happened.  I’m sure once Aunt Fucktard (Flo) comes and that blood starts flowing I might have a nuclear meltdown.  God please make it fast and as painless as possible.  I joked with M last night that I pray I’m not all dramatic and want to bury my tampons or something.  I tend to get a little nutty at times.  He said that if that’s what I need to do to cope then he will bury them for me.  Have I told you how much I love this man?

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