Starting Our Family

The reality of infertility, IVF and donor eggs

Betas Are Better Than Sharks

on August 5, 2013

crowntailbetta

I know its Shark Week but guess what else it is- its BETA WEEK- yay!!!!

By the end of this week my heart will either grow 3 sizes like it did for the Grinch when he turned good or it will be shattered in 3 million pieces.  I still don’t have any feelings one way or the other.  I am now 7dp5dt (7 days past/post a 5 day transfer).  I have no symptoms.  Well, I have something going on down there.  Not really cramps but I do have occasional “twinges” as us infertiles like to label it.  It’s like a quick sharp pain.  Not one you would double over from but one that might make you say “HELLO!”.  But its lighting fast- and kinda feels like when you get a shock or stick your tongue on a battery.  I also get something that feels like an occasional gas bubble.   I would describe cramps as more like squeezing a sponge (your uterus being the sponge).  These bubbles for me are more like that feeling you get when you pop bubble wrap between your fingers.  It’s a little burst, not painful but you are aware of it.  So I guess both of those things actually could be gas. But when its gas both usually come together- these feelings are always random and separate.  Oh and I do get an occassional weird ache in my vagina bone.  I know there is no bone in the actual vagina so I guess that’s my pelvic bone or something?  I don’t know- in my body its my vagina bone.  And that’s all she wrote.  Nothing else- no headaches, no blood, no cramps, no sore boobs nada.  I’m still very calm though and I still can’t figure out why.  I act pregnant.  I Google everything before I put it in my mouth just to make sure its safe.   I’m very cautious of coming in contact with any sort of stress.  I rub my belly throughout the day and tell the little bean to grow.  But that’s it.  I kinda feel like I’m playing house.  I feel this is all temporary and I will go back to being boring old infertile me once this week is over.  It’s sad because I really like being the PUPO me.  Unfortunately I might fall on the latter part of that acronym- proven otherwise.  Part of me feels like if I really was pregnant I would know it.  That the maternal instinct would be immediate and I would know since the day of the transfer that I was carrying my baby.   Of course there is no scientific proof that something like that is even possible.  Its more of a maternal fantasy or wishful thinking.  But then again you do hear of those women who will tell you they knew they were pregnant from the second they conceived.  Of course rationally you hear this after the fact (several months into the pregnancy) and not while they are minutes pregnant.  Whatevas- I’m still staying calm and focused.  I’m still planning on how I will tell M.  I’m still hoping and dreaming.  Speaking of dreaming, one thing that really got me a little excited is waking up this morning.  For no reason something made me wake up.  There was no noise or dog breathing on me or M snoring I just woke up.  I looked at the clock and it was 3:33.  I smiled, rubbed my belly, kissed M’s back and fell back asleep.  Most of you know that 11:11 is a make a wish time for me and 4:11 was the time when M first told me he loved me.  Well 3 is pretty special to us and more specifically 3 three’s or any combination of.  We started dating on the 6th (3/3).  The first time we kissed was on the 13th (3).  The first time we had sex was the 3rd.   We both have always had good things happen to us with the number 3 involved.  Sometimes its a stretch of the imagination and just cool coincidence but it’s still pretty freaky.  Even our beach cabina is 36 (3/3/3).  So I guess I can choose to believe that at 3:33 am something cool did happen.  Is it too much to hope that little bean was saying, “wake up mommy its the start of Beta Week”?

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