Starting Our Family

The reality of infertility, IVF and donor eggs

You’re Not As Young As You Think Honey

on July 18, 2013

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Warning: this may offend you- get over it!

I really believe that when some women blow out their 40th birthday candles they simultaneously blow out their sense of reality.  You can look younger, you can act younger but that isn’t going to make you younger- it’s all just smoke and mirrors.  You can’t lie to your ovaries.  Not even top shelf IVF drugs can trick them into thinking they are younger.  It’s not like the end cap of toilet paper at the supermarket.  The day you turn 40 the bottom roll isn’t removed and they all come crashing down.  It’s more like the dairy aisle.  Any educated consumer knows you never take the milk at the front of the shelf.  You always reach in the back and take the last one.  Any good supermarket or any shelf stocker with half a brain knows you put the older milk in the front hoping that will be purchased first.  Theoretically, if everyone keeps taking the milk from the back whoever gets the last carton is almost certain to have sour milk in their coco puffs.  All your life your ovaries have been doing the same thing- taking the milk from the back.   So now that you’ve gotten yourself a big ole bowl of Snap Crackle Pop (aka the man of your dreams) and you are ready to dive in and chow down (aka start a family) you pour the milk to find out that shit is sour.

This post is your cracker jack prize as a result of a forum frenzy that happened today.  I need to remind myself to stay off the forums during lunch and mid-day snack time.  It tends to be amateur hour and its a fucktard free for all.  Example: The very 1st thread topic I read was “help us name our baby- need suggestions”.  Really?  Are you that fucking stupid?  Is the naming of your child that insignificant that you would but it in the hands of complete strangers?  And do you really think people are going to pony up their good names?  No, they are keeping them for themselves- you’re getting shit like Waldo and Hilda.  Grrr- I hate people sometimes.  And sure as shit this woman is probably going to have 5 children.  I digress.

Back to the sour milk.  I commented on someone’s forum thread today.  She was all panicked about IVF and wondered if it would work and they have no money and this has to work on the first try and she had a baby 20 years ago so obviously she is fertile and blah, blah, blah.  She is 43, got pregnant naturally and had a miscarriage, had 2 miscarriages from IUI and is trying IVF for the first time.  I asked if she was going to do CCS or any other testing.  She asked why and I said “due to your age”.  She bugged the fuck out!  She private messaged me saying that I was rude.  She felt that linking her age to her lack of success was offensive to her and others her age.  Honey, I’m your age- back the fuck off was pretty much my reply.  I attempted to explain to her that her age absolutely can affect the quality of her eggs.  It sucks but it’s the truth.  I clearly stated that her age doesn’t mean that she didn’t have any good eggs but there were bound to be some rotten ones in there.  If she was worried about it she could have the embryos tested and only transfer the good quality ones.  That may help to cut down on miscarriages from bad eggs.  That might not be her problem but if she consulted Dr Google there is a good chance that is what’s happening here.  After a few emails back and forth she wasn’t letting up so I just wished her luck.

Ladies let me slap you in the wrinkles or botox with some pearls of wisdom.  Don’t get offended when someone tells the truth that your eggs are old.  They are!!!!!   It’s not a dig or meant to belittle you but a scientific fact.  So don’t be offended by the facts.  What you SHOULD be offended by is someone suggesting you can’t be a MOM because you have green old rotten eggs.  That’s the offensive part.  That’s the comment that you need to bug out on.  It’s also what most RE’s will tell you at your initial appointment.  You have front shelf milk in your top shelf liquor body.  Dress up the outside all you want- the inside is still the same.  You got tits on a bull.  But that doesn’t mean its the end of the world and you should give up.  There are plenty of options to still have success with your eggs- preimplantation genetic testing (PGD), preimplantation genetic screening (PGS) and comprehensive chromosome screening (CCS) are just some of your options.  And if those options don’t work and you need donor eggs you can still be a mom.  Do your research and educate yourself.  There is plenty of hope for you US.

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4 responses to “You’re Not As Young As You Think Honey

  1. Kitten says:

    I had to leave all the TTC, TTCAL, IF forums because of all the stupidity. My life is so much better now! Although, I did have fun giving people my honest opinions about the stupid baby names/spellings they asked for feedback on. Pissed a lot of people off. Don’t ask if you don’t want the truth!

  2. Kitten says:

    PS The woman in the photo creeps me right out.

  3. hope says:

    Thank you!! I too had to leave some forums b/c any suggestion that a 44 year old women shouldn’t drain her retirement savings to invest in 3 rounds of OE IVF resorted in some shockingly vicious replies. some part of my brain understands that in the sh** world of IF there should be a place where it is all hope and positive reinforcement. But, I worry that some women get to this board, don’t realize that all the posters have made a collective leap from reality and then follow their advice blindly. And the good thing, is that now that I don’t follow these boards, more time for great blogs like yours!!

  4. Try 3single com. There you can talk to amateur women who look like your neighbor. Have fun 🙂

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