Starting Our Family

The reality of infertility, IVF and donor eggs

I Would Be A Shitty Heroine Addict

on June 29, 2013

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Heroine addict is certainly not in my future.  Not that my life couldn’t use a high but there is no way I could shoot myself up all the time.  Last night I gave myself my Lupron shot for the first time.  It was every bit the comedy of errors with the emphasis on errors.  I stood in the kitchen with my tank top rolled under my bra like a Jagermeister shot girl in a bar (pun intended).  I held that damn syringe like it was kryptonite and I was Super Man.  Well super I am not!  I tried a few times to stick it in and chickened out.  M was cracking up the whole time.  Then 3 times I actually jabbed it in and immediately took it out.  I didn’t even think to take it out it was just a reaction.  The first time I stuck it in I pulled it out so quickly that I cut a little line in my stomach like a paper cut.  At this point I had little drops of blood all over my stomach.  Eventually I got it in and left it in.  But by that time I was shaking so bad that I couldn’t push the plunger in to release the Lupron.  So I stood there like an idiot, handful of belly fat in one hand and shaking needle in the other.  Once I stopped shaking I pushed it in and was done.  M started cheering and clapping.  I felt like I had run a marathon and started crying.  It was exhausting!  And since I had jabbed myself so many times I had little welts and it itched.  But I DID IT!!!!!!!  I seriously never thought I would be able to.  I’ve learned so much about myself in the past year of trying to conceive.  I’m stronger than I thought.  I guess my need to have a baby is as powerful as a heroine addict needing their drugs.  I’m sure my child will appreciate that analogy lol.

M said he felt better knowing I can do it so he wouldn’t worry about it while he’s on his business trip Mon and Tues.  I suspect he was just saying that to make ME feel better.  I’m sure he had no doubt that I would get it done as he tends to have more confidence in me than I have in myself.  I guess that’s part of what makes him my better half.

Now don’t get this twisted.  Just because I CAN give myself the shot does not mean that I’m going to be doing it all the time.  M will still do it when he’s home.  He needs to be a part of this process and participate more than just leaving a deposit in the spank room.  Plus he loves being a mad scientist so I doubt that he would give up that role willingly.  It’s just a good feeling to know that I can do it in an emergency and don’t have to drive 1/2 hour each way for my friend to do it.  Plus when M does it it’s over in 2 seconds and doesn’t hurt at all.  I hurt myself too much.  As usual I am my own worst enemy lol.

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One response to “I Would Be A Shitty Heroine Addict

  1. This is my second year of being stabbed a million times, and I just shot myself up for the first time about 3 months ago, it was the scariest thing ever, now it seems like second nature. It does get better.

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