Starting Our Family

The reality of infertility, IVF and donor eggs

Wanna Stick Me In My Butt?

on June 18, 2013


No, this is not my latest porn release to be featured in the clinic spank room, although it does give me ideas on how to finance donor egg cycles lol.   But it may actually be my Facebook status soon lol. 

Yesterday when I was telling M that he will finally get to stick it in my butt unfortunately for him I was referring to the progesterone shots- NOTHING ELSE.  Not being one to share his toys I was shocked to hear him say, “we need to come up with a Plan B”.    Sadly this was not his invitation for me to solicit a gardener, pool boy or gigolo for extracurricular activities.  He was referring to a Plan B for the shots in case he can’t make it home in time or has to go on a business trip.   He does work late (often) and does travel (occasionally)- UGH!!!!  This is stress I do not need!

I’m going to be doing progesterone shots nightly for 12 weeks (God willing because that would mean I was preggo).  M pointed out, “that’s 90 days- that’s a long time!”  Gotta love my little mathematician lol.   But he is right- 90 days is a long time for him to come home on time every night AND not go on a business trip.  So I guess a Plan B is in order.

I know plenty of women who give themselves the subcutaneous stomach shots (in the belly fat) and a select few that give themselves the intramuscular shots (in the butt muscle).  I however am neither of these women.  First of all, the above picture is pretty accurate of my ass to rest of my body ratio.  I’m not sure I can even make it to a muscle.  Do I even have a muscle in my ass?  There is no evidence of that based on the wiggle and jiggle when I walk.  Secondly, I hate needles!  You would never think that based on my tattoos but I suffered through them.  My back took 6 straight hours.  But I was OK because I can’t see my back therefore I could not see the needle.  I guess that’s the real issue- not the needle but seeing it go in.  I look away when M gives me the stomach shots and when I go to the vampires and they steal my blood.   I tried to give myself a stomach shot once- epic fail!  I couldn’t do it- no way Jose!  I stood there with needle in hand and that’s it.  I would try to count it down “ok, 1, 2, 3, go” but nothing would go- I was frozen with fear.  Its kinda like jumping into an ice cold pool.  You stand on the ledge but no matter how hard you try to talk yourself into jumping you just can’t do it- the only way you’re getting in is if someone pushes you. 

M said we need to line up a couple of friends to be able to do it.  Yeah, because that’s what I want- all of my friends to see my ass!  He said, “I’m sure we know someone who is a nurse”.  Yes, we do, my sister-in-law but I’m sure as hell not going to let her even know we are doing this let alone stick me.  Knowing her she would one day throw it in my face that the baby wouldn’t have been possible if it wasn’t for her help.  Yes, she’s that twisted.  He suggested my mom.  No way.  We’ve peed our pants trying to put together a bookshelf from Ikea- there is no way ass shots are happening.  We would be laughing and peeing the entire time.  And I was kidding about posting it as my FB status.  Well, at least until I get desperate enough.  2 of my friend’s husbands gave them their progesterone shots so I know I could ask them.  I’m not sure how my girlfriends would feel about that.  Not sure I would want M sticking it in someone else’s ass- even in the name of science.  I’ll  ask the clinic if they have a list of nurses that could do it after hours.  I’m sure that won’t be cheap but I’ll invoice M lol.  I couldn’t probably check with my insurance company and see if they have any recommendations. 

Hey, blog readers, any of you want to volunteer to stick it in my ass?  I’ll let you Tweet about it 🙂



8 responses to “Wanna Stick Me In My Butt?

  1. Hahaha!! Look its me! I did those shots (or rather DH did) until somewhere around 15-16 weeks. They’re not bad. Just way easier when someone else administers. I prefer them over crinone, progesterone pills ect. Let me know if u need any tips. Seriously, I could write a manual.

  2. Jen K says:

    If our transfer from Monday sticks I’ll be in a very similar boat. Living in another town 4 days out of the week. I’ll be staying with a friend who knows our situation…but I’m really not sure if I can handle asking her to inject my butt…daily. I know she would…just the ultimate of AWKWARD! Asking the clinic should get you some answers.

  3. hope says:

    crinone anyone? I am in a spot like Jen and will not be able to get assistance from my husband most nights. I am not especially scared of needles, I just don’t understand the mechanics of doing it yourself. I assume there has to be a mirror and lots of unflattering angles. My clinic lets me opt for crinone but it is all out of pocket, so this adds another 1K in costs. but, I guess after all the other bills, what is one more?

    • Oh i HATE crinone. i would sooner overcome my fear than use that wretched stuff again. but some women do fine with it. Hopefully u r one of them.

    • my1111wish says:

      Yeah no crinone for me. Would rather some stranger at Walmart stick me in my butt in the parking lot. I’ve never done Crinone specifically but I did the Endometrin suppositories 3 times a day with my last cycle. F that! I had never been so skeeved by myself in my entire life. You will never eat cottage cheese again. Its incredibly messy and forget about a sex life while on it. I hope you have a better experience than me.

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