Starting Our Family

The reality of infertility, IVF and donor eggs

Fuckin 40- UGH!

on June 14, 2013

71861-fabulous-40-beverage-napkins

Well that’s the picture I used as my Facebook profile picture yesterday.  I’m officially 40 (actually I now have 2 whole days of 40 under my belt).  I lied on FB.  I wanted everyone to think that I’m fine with 40.  I’m aged perfectly like a fine wine.  The truth is I’m sour grapes.  And if I was a wine I would not even be worthy of being poured from a box.  There is nothing for me that is fabulous about being 40.  For me 40 is failure.  I’m not who I wanted to be or where I wanted to be or what I wanted to have.  I’ve accomplished none of my dreams- in fact I was very successful at shattering most of them instead.  Turning 40 and not being a mom is rough- really rough.  I was secretly hoping that I would at least get a call from my nurse telling me the donor got her period and we could start our cycle soon.   Nope, no call, no period, no baby, no fair!  It was a super un-happy birthday for me.   For now- 40 sucks!

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2 responses to “Fuckin 40- UGH!

  1. Dipitie says:

    I’m sorry 😦 I’m turning 40 in just over two weeks, and while I’m mostly fine about it, I also realize that most of the things I thought I would accomplish years ago, still haven’t happened. Well, if we can’t age like fine wine, we can at least drink a shit ton of it to wallow… uh, I mean celebrate. (((HUGS))) PS Fucking Periods. Can’t they ever cooperate? WTF is wrong with them?

  2. Anonymous says:

    Thanks for the reminder- note to self: buy shit ton of wine for the weekend!
    Happy soon to be Birthday!

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