Starting Our Family

The reality of infertility, IVF and donor eggs

There’s An Imposter Among Us!

on June 4, 2013


I found a wolf in sheeps clothing- an infertile fraud- a fungus among us!

Back in the day when I hung out with a bunch of professional skaters we called these types of fake people posers.  A poser is someone who would dress like a skater, talk like a skater and even carry around a skateboard.  But carry would be all they would do with it.  If they ever even stood on a skateboard they would bust their face wide open.  They couldn’t skate- it was all an act for show, an image they wanted to portray. 

Shortly after I started dating M one of his friends had a baby.  For story purposes we will call them Sally and Joe.  M was soooo excited the day their baby, Ava, was born.   He said they had a really hard time getting pregnant and this was their miracle baby.   To me “really hard” means years of IVF and miscarriages and then the miracle. 

When we first started the IVF process I figured I would confide in Sally and hopefully get some words of wisdom from her experiences.  Turns out Sally didn’t try really hard for years, she didn’t do IVF and she didn’t have any miscarriages.  The truth of the matter is, Sally “accidentally” got pregnant shortly before their wedding.  She didn’t want to be pregnant at her wedding so she had an abortion.  2 years later, when a baby would be convenient, they tried tracking ovulation for a few months, not years- a few months, like 4.  This was NOT convenient for Sally and she couldn’t be bothered having timed sex.  She decided to go to a fertility doctor and tell them she had been having timed sex for over a year (truth: a year minus 8 months) and didn’t get pregnant.  Of course the doctor ran some tests and couldn’t find any reason why she wouldn’t be pregnant.  He was a little concerned why she didn’t get pregnant so he scheduled her for a natural IUI- no drugs involved.   For those who don’t know what that is I will break it down in laymen’s terms.  Basically you track your ovulation and at the right time they inject the sperm into you via turkey baster.   Of course she got pregnant on the 1st try- go figure!  All of what I just wrote is not my assumption of what happened.   The only part that I assumed is what “really hard” meant.  Everything I just told you is exactly what Sally told me- abortion and all.   So needlesstosay, Sally did not have a whole lot of wisdom to share with me. 

2 years after Ava was born Joe wanted to try for a boy.   As an infertile I have to laugh at the luxury of trying for a specific gender when even the meer act of getting knocked up is so hard for us.  It cracks me up that people can magically will the sex of the baby in their mind- silly rabbits.  Sally did not want any more kids.  In fact I was surprised that she ever agreed to have a first one.  She said to “keep the peace” with Joe she would try again and if it happened than so be it.  Coincidently she only agreed to “try” AFTER I told her we were trying.  Call me a paranoid infertile but of course I have to think she only did this to hurt my feelings and show me up.  I could be totally off base but I think a lot of us infertiles feel that anyone that gets pregnant does so personally to piss us off and rub it in our face.  You all know you’re shaking your head yes lol.  Ironically once we are pregnant ourselves all other pregnancies will go back to being for valid reasons of actually wanting a baby (snarky undertone intended).  So Sally is now going to “try” but of course she wasn’t going to be bothered with having sex or anything inconvenient like that.  She was going to go the IUI route again.  This time she was doing 1 shot of Follistim for a few days and then would do a trigger shot before insemination.  It didn’t work.  Since we were both trying (her IUI and me IVF) at the same time we checked in on each other’s progress the whole time.  When she left the RE office she called me and said it probably wasn’t going to work because she forgot to take her trigger shot- “but don’t tell Joe!”   The 2nd IUI worked and guess what- they are having a boy!  Of course they are having the boy that they (Joe) wanted because the perfect fairytale and happily ever after happens to everyone else but me (says the bitter infertile).

None of this is what makes Sally a poser.  The fact that she did IUI when it wasn’t needed is not the poser part.  The poser part is that she totally plays up the whole “infertility” especially now that we are “IVF out” to a few of our mutual friends.   If someone asks me about what is going on with ME she has to chime in “oh I remember all the doctors visits, and the blood work and the shots- ugh!”   So that’s the poser part and the part that pisses me off.  I’m not going to call her out on it because I know, as a Gemini, that some people’s perception of things becomes their reality.  So maybe she has, in her warped little brain, denied to herself that she was just lazy and convinced herself that she really was infertile.  It’s the same difference as those who do IVF because they have no other option or chance of having a baby versus those who do IVF just to pick the sex of their child.  Its the difference between need and desire.  And sometimes what we do is more exaggerated and/or glorified when we relay the story than what actually occurred.  

So now I know you are forevermore going to question someone’s interpretation of “tried really hard”.  LOL- I’m now in your head like a bad song that you can’t stop singing 🙂 


7 responses to “There’s An Imposter Among Us!

  1. Wow….that is sad and insane! I don’t know if I could be as strong as you are concerning her contributions on infertility topics.

  2. Suzanne says:

    Wow. I have no other words. I have a very similar “friend”. As a fellow bitter infertile, I completely get it.

  3. Grrrrr!!! I have a friend who thinks “tried for a long time” is 6 months. try 4 and 1/2 yrs, surgery on u and ur spouse, pointless iuis, 2 ivfs and enough IF scars to ma

  4. Oops…. to make u never, ever trust ur body or uterus again! posers. so annoying.

  5. hope says:

    Did the imposter have IF insurance coverage? If so, this probably bothers me most. I assume it is stories like this that insurance providers tell themselves to deny IF coverage to the rest of us.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Yes she has great insurance- $20 co-pay each time. Go get your pitchforks and torches!

  7. Dipitie says:

    UGH. I hate to say I have run into this more than I care to recall, and I hate that I was the one they turned to when they had problems. Fast forward just a few months and they are pregnant. Just another case of impatience. I’ve even seen people that admitted to bad timing for months, and refused to stop smoking, drinking, and the like, and then complain as to why they aren’t pregnant and how they need drugs, ART, the whole gamut. Nothing amazes me any longer.

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