Starting Our Family

The reality of infertility, IVF and donor eggs

The Want Is Profound

on May 25, 2013
 

Originally posted Apr 26, 2013 – 

I finally reached out to my matching coordinator last night.  I tried my hardest to wait as long as I could before contacting her.  I know she hasn’t forgotten about us and she would email me as soon as she found a match but I wonder- were we too picky with our wish list?  Physically we are looking for a fair skinned woman with light hair and eyes.  Those are the physical characteristics that would fit us the best based on what we look like.  She said that is “particularly scarce at this moment but circumstance change on a dime.”  She did say that a few have come in but they were given to others who were waiting longer than me.  OK- fairenough.  She also said that she usually tells people it takes approximately 3 months to match someone with this specific coloring.  I really wish she would have mentioned that sooner. 

So it looks like an un-happy birthday for me this June.  I was really, really hoping to be pregnant by 40 or at least be in a cycle but that doesn’t look promising.  Definately not pregnant and most likely not even cycling yet.  There is a part of me that wants to go to an agency and find our donor there.  I know that’s not practical for us because it costs a lot more and could involve travel, more delays and very possibily not the highest chance of success that we have at this clinic.  Another part of me wants to say, “just send me whoever you have whether they match what we want or not”.  I know if that’s how we felt we would have a profile in a heartbeat.  I know both of these thoughts are based on emotion and not logic.  Intellectually I know waiting is the best thing in the long run.  We need to be patient and hold out for exactly what we want.  It sucks though.  I’m a Gemini- I’ve always been emotional, some call it dramatic, but its hard for me to not give into instant gratification.  I guess this is my 1st test as a parent.  I need to make what is going to be the best decision for our family.

I apologized to the matching coordinator for emailing her.  I didn’t want her to think I didn’t trust her or was being a pest.  She told me no apologies were needed.  She was in my shoes once as a donor recipient so she knows 1st hand how hard the wait can be.  She knows how badly we want this.  She summed it up for me in one sentence, “the want is profound.”

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