Starting Our Family

The reality of infertility, IVF and donor eggs

Stalking Myself

on May 25, 2013

Originally posted Apr 16, 2013 – 

I check my email thousands of times per day.  Sometimes I just stare at the screen and constantly refresh it.  I desperately need a profile.  The waiting and the suspense is killing me!  I mailed the deposit check 22 days ago (yes I’m counting).  I mailed it the day Passover started (there we go with the holidays again).   I know 22 days is nothing to find the perfect egg but I’m so anxious.  I want to start this already.  I feel like the longer it takes to get a profile the quicker I might accept the 1st one I get and then regret it if something better comes later.  Of course I will never actually know that but I guess there is a certain margin of second guessing oneself when it comes to making this major life decision.  I mean, theoretically, this could be the biggest decision we ever make.  One that will effect M’s blood line and future generations.   WOW!  I just felt this overwhelming sense of responsibility.  This is really huge.  I’m also playing Mad Libs in my head wondering what the hold up is.  Does this mean there is nobody donating with our qualifications?  Or there are plenty with some of our requirements but the matcher is holding out for a perfect one?   Or the perfect one is there but her test results haven’t come back?   It also doesn’t help that I’m turning 40 mid-June.   To be newly pregnant when I turn 40 would be the best possible gift ever.  To still be waiting to be a mom at 40 will be catastrophic- at least in my mind.  Gotta go check my email.


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