Starting Our Family

The reality of infertility, IVF and donor eggs

Don’t Rain On My Parade

on May 25, 2013

Originally posted May 10, 2013 – 

Yesterday I received a letter from our matching coordinator that I had to sign and return with a check to lock-in Buttercup as our donor.  As I’m reading along the first half of the 2 page letter is all warm and fuzzy filled with congratulations and well wishes.  And then comes those screeching tires again.  In big, bold, all capital letters I see written WHAT CAN GO WRONG IN AN EGG DONOR PROCEDURE 

WOW- why don’t you just slap me in the face with it?  Throughout the whole journey of IVF its best- in spite of science, nature and statistics- to stay positive.  However, there are times when no matter how hard you try there is something staring right at you that says CAUTION: HERE’S ALL THE SHIT THAT CAN HAPPEN- YOU MIGHT BE TOTALLY FUCKED!  The first time I remember seeing this was at our very first appointment with the RE (yeah, talk about easing into it).  They gave us a very lengthy packet of legalize papers to sign.  You know- the ones that say they can do whatever they want to you and they can’t be held responsible if something goes horribly wrong and you can’t blame them or sue them or hate them.  Its the same stack of toilet paper that mentions that you can cryopreserve your embryos but due to an act of God or terrorism they might blow up.  Seriously- no joke- read the fine print.   And you gotta love how freezing embryos, God and terrorism are all in the same sentence- WTF?

So this current letter of “shit that can go wrong” states:

Phase 1- selecting a donor

Phase 2- making sure the donor is psychologically and medically suitable

YAY- we’ve passed shit stage 1 and shit stage 2- now for the shit show to continue…

Phase 3- Getting ready to start a cycle: after passing the medical screening

– the donor develops a medical problem

– the donor gets pregnant

– the donor has to be vaccinated with live vaccine and cannot be used

– the donor quits for any number of work, family, relationship, childcare, or career/educational reasons

– the donor tests positive on a drug or alcohol screen

– you develop a medical problem which necessitates postponing a procedure.  When you are ready to proceed the donor is no longer available

Phase 4- Stimulation & Retrieval

– the donor fails to stimulate and the cycle needs to be cancelled.  You still have to pay a donor fee of $1,000 in addition to the other money you’ve spent on the cycle.

– the donor produces no eggs or very few eggs

– the donor produces poor quality eggs

– none of the eggs or only a few of the eggs fertilize

– there are no embryos available for transfer or cryopreservation

– the donor hyperstimulates and has to be hospitalized

 Phase 5- A Positive Pregnancy Test- you get pregnant but

– miscarry

– you have three or more embryos, have a reduction procedure, lose all the fetuses

– give birth to a baby with birth defects

OK so I lived through all of Phase 4 (except hospitalization) with my own egg cycles.  Part of the point of us using donor eggs is to avoid Phase 4 but in reality it can all still happen.  When I first read the topic of Phase 5 I said- how can that be a caution?  Then I read the whole thing and thought “now that’s just mean to list”.  Oh yeah, I forgot the stress and worry doesn’t end with pregnancy.  Ugh- God grant me strength (and a baby!).

After reading the letter I was reminded of something I saw on Facebook earlier in the week.  Something I will never get to share on my FB timeline…


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