Starting Our Family

The reality of infertility, IVF and donor eggs

Are We Looking For An Egg Or Going On A Date?

on May 25, 2013
 

Originally posted Mar 7, 2013 – 
 

After I made the appointment  for the donor egg program I started receiving tons of emails.  I went home with a stack of paperwork that needed to be completed and a log in for an online portal that needed to be reviewed and completed as well.  It took over an hour.  The online portal was to update our medical/personal history.  We each got our own log in so we could do it confidentiality if we wanted to- of course we shared our answers.   You almost feel violated by some of the questions but you have to answer them honestly or you might as well not even bother with this process. 

One of the packets we had to fill out was the Egg Recipient Intake Form.  Basically its a 10 page questionnaire that asks questions about us as well as what we want in a donor.  We have to fill it out and email it to them along with pictures of us.  They really try hard to match you with a donor that will give you an egg that would be similar to what you would produce (ie- have the baby look as “fool proof” as possible).  The egg donor “characteristics” section has you rate the items in regard to how important they are to you (1 being not important and 10 being extremely important).  In addition to rating each topic you can also comment on each one.  For some of them (most of them) we felt we needed to explain ourselves why we rated the way we did.  We also don’t want the FBI catching this on the internet and flag us as trying to build some Aryan nation or something crazy like that.  For eye color we put- no brown eyes.  My eyes change between green and blue, M’s eyes are green.  Both of our parents have blue eyes and my brothers have green and blue eyes.   We don’t want our child to stick out like a sore thumb.  I did feel weird to say that because obviously we would love any child regardless of what he/she looked like but again- we need to be protective of our future child.  The topics are pretty basic but nerve wracking. We handled this like it was a test and we were so afraid of failing.

The topics are:

  • age
  • blood type (not sure what this has to do with anything)
  • donor’s mother’s race
  • donor’s father’s race 
  • donor’s mother’s ethnicity
  • donor’s father’s ethnicity
  • donor’s mother’s religion
  • donor’s father’s religion
  • donor’s height
  • donor’s weight
  • donor’s body type
  • donor’s skin type
  • donor’s eye color
  • donor’s hair color
  • donor’s hair texture
  • whether donor went to college
  • donor’s college major
  • donor’s future occupation
  • donor’s hobbies and interests
  • donor’s motivation to be a donor
  • whether donor has children
  • how many children donor has
  • whether the donor has donated before
  • is there any other characteristic not mentioned that is important to you?
  • is there anything that you consider a ” deal breaker” (something that would absolutely make a particular donor unacceptable to you)

We had to answer the same questions of ourselves.  I really felt like I was signing up for an online dating service.  I hate describing myself.  What’s my body type?  “Gross” wasn’t an option so I had to ask M.  He said “hot” but I think that was out of fear that he would say the wrong thing lol.  When we had to rate the donor’s hobbies and interests M wanted to rate that as a 9.  His argument was that hobbies and interests tell a lot about a person.  My argument was that hobbies and interest can be effected by what people are exposed to.  For example, if we exposed our child to art they could possibly be more interested in it then if we didn’t expose them to it- see where I’m going with this?  He was pretty set on keeping it a 9.  When we had to list OUR hobbies and interests we were totally stuck- what do we like?  Reading, writing, movies and sports?  There has to be more to us than that- right?  We spent at least 20 minutes struggling to think of what we like.  Immediately after we went back to donor’s hobbies and interests and changed our rating to a 5.

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