Starting Our Family

The reality of infertility, IVF and donor eggs

You Know You Thought It Too

on May 24, 2013

Originally posted Jan 25, 2013 – 

I think I’ve figured out why I’m not getting pregnant.  Its because I have balls instead of a vagina.  I have never been one to keep my mouth shut.  I’m honest- brutally honest.  All my girlfriends know not to ask me if they look fat in something because if they do I will tell them.  Don’t ask me if you don’t want to know.  Some people like my honesty, some loathe it.  Some wish they can be like me and not be afraid of what people think, some think its a huge character flaw.  Regardless of what you think- that’s me, always has been, always will be.  Love me or leave me- and that includes following my blog. 

I’ve been wanting to write about something for a while.  I couldn’t do it at the time because I was so fired up about it that I probably would have gotten sued for anything I said or did.  But now I will try to be adult enough to just explain what happened without trying to get fired up again.

As many of you know I frequent an infertility website with a message board.  OK, maybe frequent is an understatement.  I’m basically obsessed with it.  Its a place for women like me (and men) to go and vent, research, share stories and experiences anything and everything regarding having a baby- or lack there of.  Majority of us do not have kids but desperately want them.  There are some forums for people that already have kids to talk about what they find in the diaper or whatever you talk about at that point.  There are forums for people who have lost babies at various stages of pregnancy.  I try to avoid these threads because I can’t stand to have my bubble burst while I’m still trying to blow it up.  Anywho, most days these message boards are a lifesaver- a source of support- a beacon of hope.  But some days, especially when you’re all hopped up on fertility drugs, like Courtney Love on crystal meth, these message boards can become the devil.  When you’re sad and hormonal and emotional and your arms are aching to hold your baby- STAY OFF THE BOARDS!  A few months ago I was having one of those days.  I knew I shouldn’t go online, just like I know I shouldn’t go food shopping while hungry.  I just couldn’t help myself- it was calling me- like the TV was calling Carol Anne in Poltergeist.   And just like in the movie, that evil clown came for me and this is what I posted…

Sorry but I had to start a new thread that was more specific to what I can relate to. Call it bitter, call it angry, call it PMS but I’m frustrated with reading about:

-women who already have 2 kids and their hearts are “breaking for #3″- stop being greedy- some of us can’t even get to #1

-girls in their early 20′s that have been trying to conceive for a few months and “its not happening” and are crying that they are “running out of time”- wait 10 years before you start crying

-women that have been taking fertility drugs for a long time and then get a surprise BFP naturally and now they are preaching “it can happen when you stop trying”- as if the drugs automatically leave your system as of the last failed attempt- you say “I’m done” and all the fertility drugs evaporate into thin air- genius!

Sorry for my rant. If anyone is with me on this WELCOME if not please do not reply or you will become bullet point #4 lol.

So I spoke for my people.  The women like me who get deep into a thread pouring my heart out just to have someone make one stupid comment that brings you to tears.  And I received plenty of comments like ”thanks for saying what I was thinking” and “I couldn’t have said it better myself”.   I didn’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings or offend anyone.  I just wanted to say what I was feeling.  I wanted to get it off my chest.  I wanted to vent.  I wanted to use the message board for what I thought I was supposed to use it for.  But apparently I was wrong.  I got in trouble.  I got my typing fingers slapped by the internet wooden spoon.  I received the following post from the administrator…(insert Darth Vader walking into a room music)

This thread is absolutely not what this site is about and is not acceptable.

This site is here for support and you may not be rude and dismissive of other people’s pain because of a perception of yours being greater.

If you don’t want to hear what a particular person has to say then you can place them on your Ignore list so their posts don’t appear for you. If you truely feel someone’s posts are inappropriate or would be better in a different forum, then use the Report Post function and I will look at the situation.

Threads or individual posts bashing other members, specifically or in general, will not be tolerated.

And that was that.  The message board Nazi shut my thread down.  I wasn’t aware that what I wrote was a hate crime.  I didn’t think I was “bashing” anyone.  Believe me- I can bash- and I happen to be very good at it.  Why do I have to be the one to be censored?  When did I become Howard Stern?  Why can’t anyone who is offended just list me on THEIR “ignore list”?  There were so many things I wanted to say and do to this woman.  I wanted to take a red pen and mark up her comments one by one, line by line.  I wanted to point out her own stupidity and bashing and offensiveness- and especially her lack of using spell check.  But then I checked my email box (the one from the website that she probably monitors too).  It was practically filled with messages from people that agreed with me and thanked me.  And that’s all I needed- the same thing any woman on fertility drugs needs when she is having a meltdown- I just needed to be heard (and understood- but men can’t do that so PS MEN- just fake it- its not like we’ve never faked anything on you- wink, wink)


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