Starting Our Family

The reality of infertility, IVF and donor eggs

Signs Or Just Coincidence?

on May 24, 2013
 

Originally posted Feb 28, 2013 – 
 

Do you believe in signs or are things just coincidence?  I’m the superstitious type and I’ve also always interpreted coincidences as signs.  Sometimes its a far stretch of my imagination and other times its completely obvious to me.  On the flip side I hate when people say “everything happens for a reason” because I usually can’t see it until much later but then I think “oh, ok I get it now- THAT’S why that happened.” 

In my ignorant days, and I’m embarressed to admit this,  I used to think that people that couldn’t have kids were that way because they weren’t meant to have kids.  I thought maybe its because they would have been awful parents or in my judgemental reasoning I felt they didn’t derserve them.  My theory was strictly based on just the people I knew of.  For example, my father’s wife.  I call her that and not my step-mother because there is nothing motherly about her. I refuse to refer to her as anything other than my father’s wife. She is not ”baby friendly” and is the type that acts more annoyed by kids them loving of them.  So she was my prime example and others I knew that are like her.  For years I went on believing this.  That is until it happened to me.  Now I’m realizing that there are plenty of people that can’t have kids and it doesn’t matter if they are good people or not or ”deserving” or not.  I also wonder how many people that are childless really are that way by choice or just by shitty circumstance.  Infertility has opened me up to a whole new world and a more adult, sympathetic way of thinking.  Maybe this is a sign in itself?  Maybe I had to suffer and grow as a person before I can be blessed with a child?  Or maybe its my shitty circumstance?  Maybe this has been my karma?

In my opinion, this 3rd cycle of IVF has been filled with what I believe are signs.

3′s– M and I have always had good things happen to us as together in 3′s- and usually its three 3′s.  It was a little uncomfortable for me to accept at first because with my OCD I usually do things in even #’s.  At one point I wouldn’t eat chicken nuggets from Wendy’s because they only gave you 5.  Stop laughing!  At least it helped me not to eat junk food.  I’ve come a long way with my OCD and can laugh about it myself (sometimes lol).  So this is our 3rd cycle, I took 3 Ovidrel trigger shots instead of the usual 2 and at our retrieval we were in section 3.  When I came home to rest after the retrieval 3 of our fur kids came to rest with me- they are not usually all in the same room.  I did 3 vials of Menopur each night.  I have to use the suppositories 3 times a day.  I had inadvertatly laid out 3 trinkets on the counter each night for our shots (Woobie, a fertility turtle and the silver leaf from Starr).  We are expecting the call telling us our embryo is ready on Sunday, which is March 3, 2013 (33-13)

Holidays– several things during this cycle landed on what I think are “holidays” or at least special days.  We started our cycle taking Estrace and that was on Super Bowl Sunday.  We stopped taking the Estrace on Valentine’s Day.  We started taking our shots on my Grandma’s birthday.  I had my colposcopy and biopsy on President’s Day.  We did our trigger shots the night of my friend’s 40th birthday party.  We did the retrieval on our dog’s birthday.  Actually it was the day I adopted him 8 years ago.  We got the call that the egg fertilized today, which is my oldest niece’s birthday.  And our transfer will be Monday, which that will become a special day itself.

SVU– When I got back from my retrieval I spent the day on the couch watching TV.  I haven’t watched SVU in years but that was what was on when I turned on the TV so I left it.  The episode- and this is creepy- was about a radical right for life group that stole a barrel of frozen embryos from a lab.  The whole episode was about IVF and struggles to get pregnant.  I was freaking out the whole time I was watching it!

Red Cardinal– On our way home from the retrieval we stopped at a bagel place.  It was kind of rainy and cold and dreary so I thought it was interesting to see a red cardinal just hanging out there.  I’ve always heard that seeing a red cardinal is lucky.  I never knew what was lucky about it so I just Googled it.  I just got chills.  It says…As a totem symbol, the cardinal symbolizes vitality. A balance of intuition, perseverance and strength, the cardinal is said to offer safe passage into the realm of personal power to realize one’s goals and dreams.

The cardinal also represents passion and warmth as a totem symbol. Yoga practitioners believe the bird represents blood, the life force, and is related to survival, identity, health and security.   So I could see it as the retrieval helping me to realize my goals and dreams.  But that’s not what gave me chills.  Look at that section in blue in the picture below and the website that is noted.  My fellow IVF’ers will know that Shady Grove is a well known fertility clinic.  OK did you get chills too?

Lady Bugs– Lady Bugs are supposed to be a sign of good luck.  Today I had 3, yes 3 lady bugs flying around my office.  They kept hitting into the lights and make an annoying noise so that’s the reason why I noticed them.

Group Text– shortly after I received the call that the egg fertilized I received a group text from 2 of the girls that know what we have been going through.  I haven’t heard from either of them in several weeks so they didn’t know we were doing our retrieval.  The text was asking to get together for dinner and catch up. Well ladies- I have plenty to catch you up on.

Mail– And last but not least we come to today’s mail.  I received a booklet from the local hospital.  The cover is a mother and her baby and the title is A Special Delivery.  It is the story of a woman who was a high risk pregnancy- that will be me!

In addition to the booklet I also received a book of coupons from Babies R Us!!!!!

So I’m taking all these as signs and not coincidence.  And now I will go shake a bloody chicken foot lol.

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