Starting Our Family

The reality of infertility, IVF and donor eggs

To Tell Or Not To Tell?

on May 22, 2013
Originally posted Aug 22, 2012 –
                                                                                                                                        When you are going thru something as personal and uncertain as IVF do you tell people or not?  One half of you wants to tell people because its exciting and a HUGE part of your life but the other half doesn’t want to deal with the questions:  Is it you or him?  Shouldn’t you get married first?  Why not just adopt?  Maybe you’re not having sex at the right time?  Maybe you weren’t meant to have kids? etc.   And then comes the advice: try this, try that, we did this, we did that.  To be honest, I’m somewhat embarrassed that I can’t have children naturally.  In a way it makes me feel inferior or broken especially since I have 2 younger brothers that have 4 kids each.  If they even look at their wives they get pregnant.  My SIL’s are older than me which is even more frustrating.  And if you thought sibling rivalry was bad- it can be even worse with SIL’s.  Well, at least with 1 of my SIL’s.  She is very judgemental and I can hear it already with her questions.  Once we have a baby I won’t care what anyone thinks about how he/she got there but in the meantime I don’t need that stress.  But back to the half that is excited.  We decided right away to tell our mothers- not our fathers just our mothers.    M is an only child so this will be his mom’s 1st grandchild and I’m so close with my mom that, even though she already has 8 grandchildren, I know she will have a special bond with our child.  So we told the moms and they were super supportive.  I think a little sad and nervous for us that we have to do this and go thru the stress but still excited.  We also told a few very close friends.  I told my girlfriends that have gone thru it or are in the process of IVF and he told a few people at work.  They are his close friends and he will be needing to take off work for my procedures so best to be honest about it.  For the same reason I told my boss.   We’ve told a few other people here and there.  It seems the deeper we get into it the more people we tell but we are still smart about it.  And everyone knows- when we have a transfer please don’t ask if it worked.  There will be nothing more heartbreaking than to have to say “no”.

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